I Want to Help You Overcome Your Sex Problem
Are Masturbation, Pornography, and Sexual Fantasy a problem for you? Do you “go there” even after you’ve said “enough’s enough”? Have you repeatedly declared freedom from the stuff only to then pursue the juiciest, nastiest, solo sexual experience ever?
If the answer to these questions is yes, then I may have some helpful insights for you.
To cut to the chase, we join the following interview between me and myself, already in progress.
What was your name again? I never mentioned it. You can call me Monroe.
What’s your age, Monroe? Old enough to have tried quitting dozens of times. Young enough to enjoy the freedom for a very long time to come.
Are you married? Yes, indeed.
So you’ve masturbated a lot, looked at porn a lot, and fantasized a lot? Well, your mileage may vary. Frankly, I’m not going to dwell on how frequent or how extreme the behavior in how I define the problem of masturbation, pornography, and sexual fantasy (MPSF).
“My aim is to focus so much
on truths that the lies
have much less of a chance
of driving my behavior.”
What, specifically, are we talking about, then? Masturbation here is a secret and solo activity. It is the stimulation of the sex organ to orgasm, either with your hand (or other part of your body, I suppose) or a vibrator or by molesting pillows…well, you get the idea…it’s sex for one.
Pornography: I’m using the term more broadly than the traditional idea of photographic images which display sex organs, breasts, and/or buttocks engaged in sexual activity or posed in sexually charged ways. My guideline is that if you obsess about it and it helps you get to an orgasm while you masturbate, it’s pornography. That could mean lingerie catalogs, old National Geographic magazines, photos of a high school swim party, or staring at people at the beach.
Sexual Fantasy is pretty much what you expect: imagining sexual situations and conquests. It’s all about mentally generating sexual excitement and sexually-charged feelings of power, self-confidence, and freedom.
Are you cured of this problem? No, I’m afraid I know of no actual cure, no real way to lose interest in sexual images and ideas, no way to make masturbation fundamentally unenjoyable. I look at it this way. MPSF is about lies. My aim is to focus so much on truths that the lies have much less of a chance of driving my behavior.
What IS the problem with masturbation? First of all, the very act of masturbation is NEITHER good nor bad. Little kids do it with complete innocence. It’s part of normal sex for some couples. Everyone has their own objectives and justifications. Solo masturbation, for me, is a part of a larger problem, partly because when I do it, the chemical rush rewards and supports problem thoughts and emotional misconceptions.
Why have you set up this blog? I feel like I’ve made an amazing discovery. I feel like I have something of universal value to share and yet I have not come across anyone else’s writing that satisfactorially reflects what I’m feeling. I feel like I’ll burst if I don’t share what I now know about the MPSF trap. If you are willing to meet me halfway, I believe I can help you give up pornography addiction, stop masturbating, and get firm command of some unhelpful thought processes.
So are you going to preach to me? Yeah, like that would work! Seriously, isn’t masturbation enjoyed most when you are thinking to yourself, “God! This is so wrong! More! More! More!” What I needed was a practical approach to deciding why I needed what I thought was bad and learning how to confront thoughts and feelings that ultimately don’t serve me well. So, in the end, I don’t feel like I’m simply being a good boy. Rather, I have a sense of wellness, of functioning in a logical and healthy way. (And you know, I think that’s what God wants too).
Geesh, if you’re so down on sex of a solo or voyeur nature, why don’t you just partner up and do if for real? Believe it or not, it’s not an either/or. For me, MPSF serves a different objective than sexual intercourse. MPSF is an addictive behavior, supported by brain chemicals that flow with stimulation and orgasm. I had a false understanding of its purpose and importance and often didn’t see it as a problem.