The Worship of a Penis

Ideal sex: the worship of my penis. I know that sounds crude and outrageous, but let me explain.

A recent post on another blog complained about how penises do not get not the respect, admiration, and attention that they deserve. I chose to respond to the blog post. I did so for two reasons. One is because that blog promotes the idea that viewing pornography is in line with Biblical principles (i.e., it’s not a sin). I’d like to either set the blog author straight or sharpen my debate skills in the attempt. The other reason I wanted to respond was because it seemed so familiar. I realized that my desires in my sex life and the yardstick by which I measured success largely boiled down to worship of my erect penis.

The blog post to which I’m referring detailed the author’s strong desire for all manner of stimulation, awe, curiosity, activity, focus, and attention to be placed on the male sex organ. Anything less is rejection. Indeed, I relate to this feeling. From the moment I first entered the world of sexual relationships, I had the attitude that what I had to offer at my crotch had a permanent wow factor. I wanted to know that it impressed both of us. I wanted it to be the source of joy for both male and female. I wanted to know that their was unbridled delight in everything I dressed it in and in every way I revealed it. I wanted my mate to have an insatiable need to study it and consume it and be served by it.

Essentially, I treated my erect penis as an idol. I put its needs above that of my partner and well above the design objective of sexual relations: the unrestrained communication of deep commitment and love between a husband and wife. I genuinely wanted my partner to desire my penis more than me. My old fantasies and notions about what I wanted her to do to me tell me that I valued situations where she would essentially view me as a body attached to the object of her desire. It sounds so sexy, doesn’t it? It’s objectification, though. It’s idolatry. It’s dehumanizing and soul-denying. The pursuit of satisfying such a desire empties you out and leaves you much less satisfied than you could have been.

I enjoy sex much more now. Sometimes, when something seems so terribly important, it’s a warning that things are unbalanced and you need to change your perspective.