If You Respect Marriage, Pornography Fails

Continuing the theme of my previous post, A Clearer View of Sexual Intercourse, I want to lament the decline of the traditional family. Modern society has become so intent on not marginalizing alternative family groups that it’s now marginalized the old-fashioned mom-dad-and-their-offspring-under-one-roof idea.

I have a lot of sympathy for homosexuals and I don’t have any illusions that gays and lesbians can be forced to change or should be suppressed or shunned in some way. However, I do believe that the marital union and sexual union of husband and wife is a divine design and should stand separate and unique. To me, the use of the word marriage for same-gender couple is a misnomer, plain and simple. It makes no more sense to me than for a court to declare that adoptive parents are now to be referred to as the biological parents. Or suppose two men are great friends. How about they have a judge declare that they are identical twins? Adoption and friendship are wonderful, amazing things, but from a definition standpoint they are not absolutely not the same as biological parenthood and brotherhood. What’s the point of us lying to ourselves?

Well, it is about lying, sadly. I believe that there is an activist segment that so badly wants homosexual couples to be valued that it seems like a fine idea to muddy up the language, so that it’s more difficult to distinguish what laws, policies, etc. mean or were supposed to mean.

I’m here to trumpet the idea of mom, dad, and their offspring under one roof. I’m here to say that it’s not an accident that ideal fulfillment of the sexual organs is simultaneous stimulation, by two people, face-on-face, in each other’s arms, i.e. male and female. That’s simply the design. That’s not to say that people haven’t gotten valid pleasure out of all sorts of other sexual interactions. But, hey, I knew a farm wife who once hauled a calf in a VW Rabbit. It worked, but since that’s not what VW Rabbits were designed for, I’m sure the poor little car didn’t fare too well.

No, I’m not gay bashing. No, I’m not homophobic. Trust me, I’m sympathetic. I can see that most of our personality traits, tastes, and tendencies were hardwired at birth. We all have influences and experiences that we didn’t choose. I know that the troubling image of gays flaunting public nudity, group sex, S&M, offensive costumes, and militant talk belongs to a small segment of those who have simply same-gender sexual relationships. And like I’ve said elsewhere, I’m not interested in confronting people and convincing them that they have a problem—any problem. I want to help people who believe they have a problem with masturbation, pornography, and sexual fantasy. All I can do is tell my story and and detail the insights that are helping me.

So, am I asking gay men with masturbation, pornography, and sexual fantasy problems to look for help elsewhere? No, certainly not. My main point remains: recognize that sexual interaction is best used to draw partners together. If your thoughts and behaviors are geared not toward bonding but toward getting off, all flesh becomes a collection of sexual objects. When you objectify yourself and others, though it puffs up your chest for a moment, it dehumanizes you and empties your soul. When you feel deflated and empty inside, you look for ways to build yourself up and sexual gratification feels like it will hit the spot. In order to get off, you fantasize about what you could do with people and what they could do to you and that dehumanizes everyone involved in your fantasy. And that’s the cycle of self-pleasure. It’ll wear you out no matter what your orientation.

So, what is my purpose in this article? Why am I drifting into the touchy area of homosexuality? It’s because I’ve been helped a lot by nailing down what I believe about sexual interaction. Fantasy and pornography obsession are aided greatly by indifference to the design of things. If we foster our curiosity about all the ways that people might interact sexually, it encourages us to explore with fantasy and pornography. If, on the other hand, we understand what the design is—husband and wife copulating with penis in vagina—and that all variations have an inherent down side, we can work on making those many variations less important in our minds. Pornography is the answer to the question, “What am I missing out on?” It’s a bogus question. Live the life you were given, as fully and honestly as possible.