But Isn't Masturbation Normal and Natural?

My advice for quitting the habit of solo masturbation was recently challenged with the claim that masturbation is normal and natural and beneficial to sexual well-being.

I agree with this assessment of masturbation. It is normal and natural. I don’t think it’s any accident of design that a human’s hand is perfectly positioned to massage his or her own sex organ. I think our sexual well-being requires some level of awareness of our sexual functioning. In fact, I believe it’s only logical that all people, both male and female, discover self-pleasure as children. But I don’t think masturbation works well as a lifelong habit. I think we are best served by growing out of the practice.

There’s a level of higher functioning not far above you. All you need to do is look up and start climbing.

Let’s be honest. There are a lot of things that are normal and natural for us early in life that are troublesome later on. At some age, I pooped and peed without concern for what caught it, I played in a dress, I grabbed anything in reach that looked interesting, I hit anyone I was displeased with, I cried if I wasn’t happy, I screamed for attention, I put miscellaneous objects in my mouth for entertainment, and I held my penis to hold off the urge to empty my bladder. These are babyish, childish things, and so I grew out of them. I learned behaviors that allow me to function at a higher level.

Note that many childish behaviors are fetishes for some adults. To each his own, of course, but can you really argue, for example, that a man’s need to be diapered, spanked, or to be dressed as a woman in public serves any useful function other than satisfying the fetish. Similarly, solo masturbation only serves the function of quenching the urge to masturbate, view pornography, and fantasize—for a short time. For men who have fetishes or sexual compulsions, wouldn’t their life be better—more normal—if they simply didn’t feel the need to play with poop, endure pain, pretend to have the body of a woman, or retreat to privacy to emit, collect, and then dispose of semen?

To be blunt, natural, normal, and sexual well-being are excuses. If you have a problem that you don’t want to acknowledge, you”ll probably contend that “natural” is whatever your body says it likes and “normal” is whatever works for you and a handful of others you can identify. And I suppose that, in the service of excuse-making, “sexual well-being” is the state of you getting your urges satisfied (and if you don’t feel well, the problem must be a lack of satisfaction, not unhealthy urges).

If you are reading this article, I assume you are troubled by masturbation, pornography, and sexual fantasy; that is, they have some degree of control over you. It’s common to think, “If only I didn’t want this stuff so badly.” The answer, I assure you, is to sober up enough to learn what you are doing and why and how you could be functioning at a higher level. When your awareness is of great enough clarity, the desire will decrease.

Know this: there’s a level of higher functioning not far above you. All you need to do is look up and start climbing.