Do Sex Toys Play With Your Head?

BE ADVISED. THE FOLLOWING ARTICLE IS ONE OF MY MOST GRAPHIC. IF IT STARTS TO SOUND LIKE A FANTASY TO MASTURBATE TO, CLICK HERE.

Check out our great new Adult Toy Store! Try a new adventure! Put some spice into your relationship! We’ve got costumes to (barely) cover up your honey’s naughty parts. We’ve got whips, gags, restraints, and complete outfits to fully restrain and pretend to torture the one you love. We’ve stocked silicon phallic shapes of all sizes and colors for for effective and convenient penetration and stimulation all around. And all product packaging bears the image of an average, ordinary user turned into a being of sexual perfection through the use of the product inside. Don’t you dare try to play pretend in the bedroom without having a look here.

Oh, and while you’re in the store, we’ve got fantastically tasteless greeting cards and vulgar gag gifts. Hey, nothing expresses greatest wishes for a bride’s forthcoming marriage like a greeting card sporting a naked sailor of offensive proportions making a naughty offer.

I may be wrong, but I don’t think sex between a healthy, loving husband and and a healthy, loving wife can be improved upon with accessories.

Okay, enough of the silliness. Here is the story of how my opinion of adult toy stores and sex toys went from titillation to disgust. It wasn’t long after my wife and I got together that we first checked out an adult toy store. I had been wary of such a thing previously, thinking it was too immoral for the facade I maintained, but with the approval of my beloved, I felt free to indulge. And the lure was huge.

Think of it: sex is supposed to be the greatest experience a young person can aspire too. How much better will it be when toys are involved? Think of it: we’re not just ourselves in the bedroom. We’re in a peek a boo this and a body thong that. We’re spanking and tying down and whipping. We’re playing with super-sized rubber penises and vibrating vaginas. We’re harnessing cocks, plugging butts, and clamping nipples. We’re outfitting the naughty parts with all the accessories. Why, it will be sex the way God only wished he’d designed it to be. Okay, sarcasm ends here.

I may be wrong, but I don’t think sex between a healthy, loving husband and a healthy, loving wife can be improved upon with accessories. I’m sure there’s all sorts of qualifiers to that (not so much if you exclude fetishes), but I’ll stick to my main point here. I proceed with what is simply a description of my experience. Gain from it what you will. Disregard what you know does not apply to you.

I’m going to confess something very personal here to show you that I get the appeal of sex accoutrements. When my wife I and were first engaged, I made it clear that sexual intercourse would wait until the magic day. I didn’t have a good sense of where to draw any other line, though, and my sense of a boundary eroded over the first few months. I got a thrill and still get a thrill over the slow reveal, but there’s a big caveat to that. More later. There was a brief period when I was willing to expose for her all but my penis and scrotum. This was more or less initiated by a dare for me to greet her at my apartment door wearing only a g-string which she would place under my welcome mat while I was still at work. Upon opening the package, I was concerned that the slender thing wouldn’t contain me if I got aroused before I could present myself and welcome her in, so I got a slightly roomier one as a substitute. What proceeded that night was a fashion show. I modeled briefs, jockstraps, cup supporters, shorts,  swimsuits, and anything else I could think of that would cover my package, but make it clear that I had a very exciting and excitable one. Eventually, I did put on the g-string she had purchased for me. Finally, I entered the room sporting an ankle sock pulled tight over the package in question. Rest assured, I was aroused at that point. A week later, I let her touch my testicles. A few days later, I tied a string around my penis and let the tag on the other end dangle out the top of my underwear. The message invited her to see where the tag was tied. Yeah, it was exciting fun. I’m glad we took our time in getting physical, but I’m disappointed I still let the physical infatuation come in before other parts of the relationship had time to fully develop. The commitment was too soft yet, so it made for some rough seas. It also put incredible pressure on my actual performance for the honeymoon, since that was all that was left.

Here’s the deal. The dream of penis peek-a-boo was a one-shot. My wife can’t forever maintain an eager anticipation of the experience of my genitalia. She’s got a memory, for God’s sake. And that’s what that part of our relationship was about, really. Isn’t my dick just amazing? Aren’t you just blown away by the look and feel of my scrotum? Is it not incredible how the testicles are lowered and raised, how my penis can be an infinite variety of lengths, widths, and angles? Yes to all, but for me to focus on my sex parts and making life a thrill for them is the very problem with masturbation, pornography, and sexual fantasy. The satisfaction is temporary. It’s superficial. It’s dehumanizing. It wears thin.

At some point I realized that, like pornography, sex toys are fantasies that can only entice, not satisfy. Some part of me wanted to experiment with every sexual act I’ve ever heard of, every situation that has ever enticed me, every piece of equipment that could be attached to me or used on me. I’ve come to believe that even if my partner were an Oscar-winning porn actress, willing to play any role I could imagine and willing to try and sexual position imaginable, I would find a lot of disappointment. For example, my wife and I tried tying each other to the bed (guess what, that’s limiting!). We tried dildo penetration for both of us. We tried revealing and tear-away lingerie for both of us. What it all comes down to is that in this safe, loving relationship I was trying to pretend that someone was being forced or that something was being done to them. I was trying to pretend that there was more people involved than the two of us. After all, doesn’t porn teach us that maximum satisfaction comes from stimulation at each every sensitive spot by all available staff? Now, I still think that sexy lingerie is cool. Frankly I’d love my wife to surprise me by occasionally wearing something novel or occasionally presenting me with something novel to try on, but it’s an expensive novelty. For example, consider a leather outfit that covers your penis and scrotum with a removable leather codpiece and fully exposes your buttocks may be very exciting for both of you, but what makes it exciting is the way it makes me vulnerable. If I were modeling it in a fashion show, for example, I would be revealing a private area and making my privates unnervingly accessible. That exposure, that exhibitionism, that vulnerability is what makes the outfit a thrill. If my wife is in a see-through teddy, the idea that it’s romantic is balderdash. What makes it electric for me is that my wife’s nipples are visible. I can see her vaginal lips. For that moment, I want her to be a hooker and me the virgin high school athlete in a jockstrap pressed against a bench, egged on by his buddies peeking over the lockers. If we aren’t both into the fantasy, it’s a once-sided thrill. Hey, even if we both like it, there’s not much to do with costumes in place. The real loving is done flesh on flesh, costumes out of the way. And, of course, if I’m still fantasizing about an intimidated, naive teenager being deflowered by a commercial sex worker, the love in the room is largely flowing from my wife’s willingness to put up with the distracted pervert using her for an orgasm.

The sex product industry is strong and won’t stop. They’ll continue to make products that promise to turbocharge God’s design or substitute for what isn’t there. Sex robots are being perfected. Sex video games already let you do things that will get you arrested in real life. What can the future hold? Nothing good, probably. Anyone who thinks that a virtual experience of sexual conquest that includes mechanically driven orgasms has greatly discounted the value of their soul and of their humanity. Sex toys, like pornography, focus on stuff. They turn bodies into objects and convince you that they need attachments and accessories and decoration. So much for husband and wife pleasing each other.

To each his own, I’m sure, but really, if you have driven past the adult toy store and have  found yourself craving a Borat swimsuit or a leather harness that titillates with a partial view of your genitalia, why not first try nibbling your sex partner’s ear when everyone else in the room is looking the other way? Why not set out to understand what pleases her, something would be exciting and very romantic. No doubt you’ll be disappointed that what would thrill her now sounds nothing like a nude male stripper revue, but true satisfaction will come not from how you package your package or the strength and timing of your erections, but from the sincerity and generosity of your desire for your partner’s heart.

Take care of yourself. Take care of your mate.