What Tying the Knot Taught Me About Pornography, Masturbation, & Sexual Fantasy

My wedding night was a bust. The big moment of my life, the one I’d waited for for more than a decade longer than my average high school classmate ended with a manually achieved orgasm. As thrilled as I was to be having sexual intercourse for the first time, something in my body didn’t follow “Ready” and “Aim” with “Fire.” My bride had already reached the top twice and was as impatient as I was.

I couldn’t get out of the comfort zone of my fantasies, my pictures, and my familiar hand.

My new wife had already allowed me to look at certain pictures in books and on the internet. We’d talked about my sexual fantasies and explored many of my curiosities. She had almost acted indifferent to whether I masturbated or when I masturbated. So…my strategy for trying to get the lovemaking right was to either precede sex or interrupt it to go get stimulation from sexy pictures. Odd, isn’t it? I wanted sex so bad in the thousands of times I’d jerked off and when I had a willing partner I couldn’t get out of the comfort zone of my fantasies, my pictures, and my familiar hand.

Do Sex Toys Play With Your Head?

BE ADVISED. THE FOLLOWING ARTICLE IS ONE OF MY MOST GRAPHIC. IF IT STARTS TO SOUND LIKE A FANTASY TO MASTURBATE TO, CLICK HERE.

Check out our great new Adult Toy Store! Try a new adventure! Put some spice into your relationship! We’ve got costumes to (barely) cover up your honey’s naughty parts. We’ve got whips, gags, restraints, and complete outfits to fully restrain and pretend to torture the one you love. We’ve stocked silicon phallic shapes of all sizes and colors for for effective and convenient penetration and stimulation all around. And all product packaging bears the image of an average, ordinary user turned into a being of sexual perfection through the use of the product inside. Don’t you dare try to play pretend in the bedroom without having a look here.

Oh, and while you’re in the store, we’ve got fantastically tasteless greeting cards and vulgar gag gifts. Hey, nothing expresses greatest wishes for a bride’s forthcoming marriage like a greeting card sporting a naked sailor of offensive proportions making a naughty offer.

I may be wrong, but I don’t think sex between a healthy, loving husband and and a healthy, loving wife can be improved upon with accessories.

Okay, enough of the silliness. Here is the story of how my opinion of adult toy stores and sex toys went from titillation to disgust. It wasn’t long after my wife and I got together that we first checked out an adult toy store. I had been wary of such a thing previously, thinking it was too immoral for the facade I maintained, but with the approval of my beloved, I felt free to indulge. And the lure was huge.

Sex Addiction Recovery Sabotage

The war against your obsession with pornography and sexual fantasies and your compulsion to masturbate is a war between logical thinking and feelings. If you have a sex problem it means that your emotions were already the victor at some point. There’s no shortage of stories of people doing foolish things for lust.

Feelings are fickle things. If you’ve determined to move beyond masturbation, pornography, and sexual fantasy, you’ve probably experienced the powerful high of feeling like your determination has already conquered the beast. You’ve probably also experienced every other possible emotion in the process: fear that you can’t do it, shame for what you’ve done in the past, anger that you have to do without, frustration, sorrow that you wasted a lot of energy, and jealousy of people who seem to be able to indulge without limits or consequences.

Feelings often translate into beliefs and those beliefs based on feelings are simply not reliable. Unfortunately, some of those feelings-based beliefs can make for very formidable roadblocks on the path to recovery. Consider:

“One of the downsides of the internet is that you can find people who support almost any perversion.”

Masturbate to Relieve Tension and Stress?

Even if masturbation is a villainous compulsion who visits you regularly, you probably associate it with relief. In fact, those with a neutral or positive attitude toward masturbation in general promote masturbation as a great way to relieve tension and stress. The trouble is that masturbation also encourages tension and stress.

Candidly, I have to tell you that some of my happiest self-induced orgasms have happened after I abstained for a while. In fact, that was typical for my cycle of temptation. I’d get sick of the habit and the related thoughts and I’d swear off it for a few days or a couple of weeks. Then a curious thought would pop into my head. I’d ponder it and get caught up in it and then I’d craft a fantasy around it. I’d check out safe references to confirm or dissipate my concerns and curiosities. Not satisfied with same-old, same-old, I would tread into more dangerous territory. I’d tell myself I just needed the right information, but urges would increase until I delved into something guaranteed to push my button. Then, to my shock, I’d come across some image or even my own fantasy that I “couldn’t handle.” And suddenly my staunch opposition to jerking off was replaced with serious determination to do just that. Of course, relief would come quickly, and with such a deep and satisfying force. For a moment, I was so incredibly relaxed and satisfied. No earthly problem could block the rays of sunshine bathing my glorious body…but, of course, it didn’t last. I’d be doing it at least twice more in the next few hours. It would be much less powerful, require a lot of concentration, and might even cause a little bit of irritation on my penis, but “one and done” is not phrase compatible with the habit of masturbation. The single, incredibly happy ejaculation was always followed by days of very compulsive “I can’t not do this” jerk-off sessions at the bathroom sink.

Can a Boy Ever Know Enough About Sex?

I was in sixth grade when they separated us boys and girls to show us sex education films, one for each gender. My classmates already knew me to turn red and turn away from naughty talk and off-color jokes, so when a few of them taunted me with “Did you learn anything?” after the film was shown, it was not out of sincere interest in my education. I remembered enough details about the movie to find it in recent years. It is Boy to Man (Part 1, Part 2). In retrospect, it was so dry and clinical, it probably shouldn’t have embarrassed me as much as it did. With an internal drawing of the erect penis—the external part of the shaft located almost all off-screen—the newscaster voice says, “During masturbation, a boy may handle his penis to cause an ejaculation.” Masturbation? Handle? Ejaculation? It was all lost on me. The trauma of the subject matter simply overwhelmed me and I avoided absorbing the intended medical information. Frankly, it wasn’t until that summer, in the camp shower, that the sight of my friend’s naked body woke me up to the fact that my dad’s type of “penis hair” could arrive at age 12!  Mine came in the months that followed. With it came my curiosity. No, I didn’t want to participate in a classroom viewing of Boy to Man II: Juicer Stuff, but I had my eyes open for as much sex information as I could lay my hands on.

Boys Who Masturbate

As it turns out, I did not invent masturbation. Oh, sure, you knew that. Well, frankly, I know I’ve known it for a long time, myself, but when I first discovered what a fantastic feeling it was to hold a piece of wood in my lap while I worked on it with an orbital sander, I may have actually thought I was onto something revolutionary. Of course, I soon realized I could produce the same fluid with my hand. I may have realized it wasn’t a capability unique to me by the time I’d identified the word “masturbation” in a book at the city library. (Holy Hot Dog, Batman! There’s a word for what I do in the bathtub!) Still, it was an enormous revelation when during Driver’s Ed, in the summer after my ninth grade year, a guy bragged about asking a Special Ed. kid if he’d masturbated yet. Yet? Like it’s a given and only the timing is variable? Wow! I’d only waited two years for that news bulletin.

A Clearer View of Sexual Intercourse

I doubt that anyone ever learned the facts of life, A-to-Z , in one afternoon-length lecture. I know my own journey of…prepare yourself… “sexual discovery” was piecemeal, ad hoc, and sort of lengthy. And it was definitely non-linear. I have a vague memory of a schoolyard playmate insinuating that sex involved a naked “boy”, a naked “girl”, and the boy’s penis doing something with an opening belonging to the girl. All I’m sure of is that at some point I understood that a married man had to aim his urine stream into his wife’s open mouth in order to produce kids. That’s why I’m now a monk, cloistered away from all females. No, but actually, I imagine that the truth wasn’t received much better. I mean, at age 10, I had the world figured out and it all made sense. And one thing I was sure of was that people potty in private and cover that part up the rest of the time. To suggest that men and women would fit their naughty potty parts together seemed so very wrong, an offense against nature. It wasn’t what people were designed for. Little did I know.

My Brand of Masturbation and Pornography Addiction Help

My story cannot be unique. I am convinced that I’ve discovered universal truths about human behavior. On the other hand, I find a lot of websites and materials that just don’t get me. They don’t really understand the masturbation, pornography, and sexual fantasy problem.  Their advice misses the mark. Furthermore, this seems to be one of those subjects that it’s tempting to talk around. Of course, sometimes that’s just a sales technique to get you to pay for a book or a series of videos. In this article, I draw the line between me and the others offering help.

First of all, you can’t buy anything from this website. I’m not selling anything but the information you are reading. So, instead of trying to convince you that I have the information you need, you can just read the information. This is my experience, testimony, insight, and stories. You can use it all or none of it. I truly hope it helps. (Now I do have some links to references that have been helpful to me, but they are certainly not affiliate links.)

There’s nothing to join here. You can subscribe, but that just gives you automatic e-mail notices of new posts. Everything I have to offer you is available with no more input than a click. The volume of information will grow and I intend to make it all available through menus, categories, tags, links, and search boxes.

The Worship of a Penis

Ideal sex: the worship of my penis. I know that sounds crude and outrageous, but let me explain.

A recent post on another blog complained about how penises do not get not the respect, admiration, and attention that they deserve. I chose to respond to the blog post. I did so for two reasons. One is because that blog promotes the idea that viewing pornography is in line with Biblical principles (i.e., it’s not a sin). I’d like to either set the blog author straight or sharpen my debate skills in the attempt. The other reason I wanted to respond was because it seemed so familiar. I realized that my desires in my sex life and the yardstick by which I measured success largely boiled down to worship of my erect penis.

Undressing Nudity, Part Four of Four

This is the fourth and final part of an essay on nudity. I’m trying to de-mystify it, un-power it, and un-couple it from associations that aren’t healthy.

I’ve always been fascinated by nudist camps, closed-access communities where people give each other complete visual access to their bodies. The idea of privates is meaningless. Back when, as a kid, I feared going to the doctor largely because he might have to see under my clothes, the idea of a nudist camp blew my mind. Even as an adult, when the idea of being a visitor kind of excites me, I imagine that I’d spend the whole time comparing forbidden body parts, hoping that a cross-section of society would be present and I could learn all sorts of things about body types and puberty and aging and so on and so forth. Well, I recently read a serious study about behavior and attitudes of nudists. Basically it was asking if all that exposure to nudity created a sexually-charged environment. Well, the conclusion was that a nudist camp and an orgy are nearly opposite environments. It made the nudist camp sound like prudes at a church supper. They didn’t discuss the human body or sex and they primarily did not look below the neck. They had virtual boundaries for themselves.