List the people who would benefit most if you moved beyond MPSF

This is one of the Lists You Must Create.

You probably see your MPSF problem as the most personal and private thing about you. Perhaps no one knows anything about it. In such case, you probably want to recover fully and continue to keep it completely to yourself. Still, there are people who will benefit, people who want the best for you, people who’ve passed on and might know anyway, and people you may not have even met who’d be greatly encouraged by a story of redemption and recovery. Now make a list of your cheering section along the race route.

List the gains you’d make if you moved beyond MPSF

This is one of the Lists You Must Create.

Eyes on the prize, baby. You should know what the promised land looks like. It’s going to help when you are thinking, but I love these dirty pictures and I can’t go with orgasm-on-demand. Make a list and focus on the positives. Here are some examples.

• I’ll feel great confidence when I have mastered these horrid habits.
• I’ll be able to walk into a waiting room without turning people into food for my fantasies.
• I’ll be at peace with God.
• I won’t ever have to watch my back on the fear that I’ll be caught being naughty.
• I might be able to help someone else who has this problem.

List the risks from continuing your MPSF activities

This is one of the Lists You Must Create.

Maybe your MPSF activities haven’t changed at all over the years. Maybe you know no one who cares one way or the other what you do when they are not around. I bet neither of the previous two sentences is true though. In fact, isn’t it part of the thrill that you keep pushing the envelope, ramping up the risk. Acknowledge the danger and make a list. Here are some examples:

• My spouse might discover what I’ve been Googling.
• My kids might find evidence that is not easy to explain.
• I worry that a stranger that is feeding my fantasies might know and give me a piercing look.
• I’ve been satisfied with free stuff so far, but I’m tempted to buy pornography (thereby creating evidence of some sort).
• My spouse might sense the distance I’ve created when we make love.
• I’ve done a little porn surfing on a work computer and I might not get away with it next time.
• I might be called to the door and won’t want to have to explain the time needed to clean up and soften up.
• I worry that God’s going to ask why this part of my life was declared off limits.

List the regrets you’ve had from MPSF activities

This is one of the Lists You Must Create.

Naturally, in the heat of the moment—in the fevered pursuit of a fantastic orgasm, we dismiss any downside to our MPSF activities. No one knows what I’m doing. I’ll be done in a bit. If someone needs me right away, I’ll wear the appropriate “mask”. If MPSF really is an issue, I can deal with it tomorrow or next week. Whatever damage has been done is getting little added to it tonight.

Okay, so speak the truth now. Gather up all the little disappointments and misgivings and list them here. Here’s some examples of regrets from masturbating, looking at pornography, and fantasizing:

• Actual sexual intercourse seemed so ordinary, I could hardly wait to finish to go look at porn.
• I was impotent or unable to achieve orgasm when my partner was in the mood for sexual intercourse.
• During sexual intercourse, I had to fantasize about something completely unrelated to the moment or to my partner in order to achieve orgasm.
• I ‘ve wasted a lot of time.
• I know family and friends who would be disappointed if they knew I was blowing an evening drooling over computer smut and pleasuring myself.
• I’ve blown money at adult bookstores.

List the benefits you’ve gained from your MPSF activities

This is one of the Lists You Must Create.

Let’s face it. Masturbation is fun. Pornography is serious entertainment. You’ve collected some pretty awesome fantasies. The point is that there is a tremendous upside to what you today call a problem. Acknowledge that with a list. Here’s some examples.

• Orgasms release tension.
• Masturbation lets me be in control of something (unlike the rest of my day).
• When I look at people in pornographic pictures it’s proof that there’s people more perverted than I am.
• Surfing the net for porn feels like I’m caring for myself.
• My wife wasn’t in the mood earlier tonight, so I masturbated as secret punishment.
• People are so disappointing in real life. In my fantasies, they rock!

List all the activities that make up your MPSF problem

This is one of the Lists You Must Create.

Too many times to count, I have excused one sort of behavior because it wasn’t a different sort. (“You abuse your kids!” “So what? I’m an angel to my wife!”) So, I think the following list is necessary to corral all the different modes and seasons of your problem. You need to detail what makes up your MPSF problem: all shades of gray, all levels of perversion, no matter how innocent, no matter how casual.

Lists You Must Create

Part of the problem with Masturbation, Pornography, & Sexual Fantasy is self-deception. You may acknowledge different truths about it at different times, but there is great power in laying out the whole truth in print (well, at least the framework). Then, like a general charged with capturing a territory, you will have a map with which to assess the width and breadth of the battlefield before you.

So, here’s what you need to do:

1. List all the activities that make up your MPSF problem.
2. List the benefits you’ve gained from your MPSF activities.
3. List the regrets you’ve had from MPSF activities.
4. List the risks from continuing your MPSF activities.
5. List the gains you’d make if you moved beyond MPSF.
6. List the people who would benefit most or be the happiest for you if you overcame your MPSF problem.