Positive Always Beats Negative

You’re disgusting! Quit it! There, does that help? No, probably not.

The particularly difficult thing about getting out of the rut of obsessive fantasy thoughts and compulsive sexual activity (like masturbation) is that feeling bad about it tends to fuel the whole thing. Masturbation, as pleasurable as it is, is a misuse of the body—or at least a less than optimum use. When you feel like crap, you accept that you should be treated like crap. I imagine that a lot of prostitution customers, men who crave the thrill of a professional orgasm, don’t see themselves as girlfriend-worthy at the moment.

So negativity helps speed up the cycle of temptation. But if unwanted thoughts and desires are what lead you into obsessive thoughts and compulsive behaviors, how do you stop them without just yelling “No!” to your inner self all the time. Well, here’s a thought. Make all those condemnations positive. Instead of “Man, that’s a hot chick. Stop it, you jerk! Don’t think about her body!” think, “Man, that’s a hot chick. Yes, but it’s a real person who owns that body and may God bless how she chooses to use it. I choose right now to protect her privacy and respect her in my head.” See what I did there? I focused on things that are true or should be, not on what shouldn’t be. It’s just like a dieter choosing to be passionate about fresh, healthy vegetable dishes and enjoying improved scale readings instead of focusing on the pain of exercising longer or the deprivation of jumbo desserts.

Look, our brains didn’t get wired overnight. A lot of it is driven by tendencies that are permanent. I strongly believe, though, that through practice and positive reinforcement, we can coax our thought patterns to tend toward healthy thoughts and blow off destructive ones. And, let’s face it, obsessive sexual thoughts and fantasies are destructive. To give yourself completely to that cycle of temptation is to gleefully dive into a tailspin.

Be healthy. Think about what you think. If there’s problems there, think about adding thoughts, not subtracting them. If your timing is well chosen, the good thoughts will beat the bad. Brains work that way.

It’s Okay! This Porn is Newsworthy! (Say What?)

In case you were unaware, sexual activity has occurred between people of inappropriate ages, at inappropriate times, in inappropriate places, in inappropriate situations, in front of inappropriate people, and for inappropriate reasons SINCE THE DAWN OF TIME. Unfortunately, a particularly unsavory incident happened recently at a school somewhere and the video has found wide distribution on platforms that are not supposed to allow such things. I don’t know how this has happened and I’m not going to investigate.

Are you tempted to search? Does it seem okay to view bona fide child pornography because far too many people have seen it on public information streams for anyone to get in trouble (for what is daily prosecuted as a serious crime)? PLEASE RESIST THE TEMPTATION.

The bottom line is that you have to decide what is right and wrong universally and what part of “not wrong” is still a bad idea for you. You cannot count on other people’s or a company’s decision about what is legally or morally okay. They don’t dictate your morality and they can be careless. I would like to think that if someone posts illegal media of activity with a child on [INSERT SITE NAME HERE] that it will be caught and the appropriate punishment will befall the guilty provider of that media. But let’s be honest. There is more and more problematic material being transmitted, often by the subjects of the media. AND while we’re being honest, have you ever went searching and found more than you expected? Or is that just what you told yourself? Whether the surprise search results raises legal questions or exacerbates your sexual obsession, it’s a problem. I suppose if you were trying to get an image of wood cutting river animals for your child’s science project and got a screenfull of bare human crotches, I’d absolve you of any guilt, but I imagine you’ve allowed yourself a search for something a little bit titillating and were surprised by something pornographic. If, to any degree, what you found was a logical result of your search, you’ve got a conscience to come to terms with.

Please be careful. Trust me. No one’s going to give you a sex holiday and say, “Just for today all prohibitions are canceled. To that, I say, “Always and forever consequences will hold firm.” Don’t look. You are only missing out on self-disgust and anguish.

The Secret of Masturbation Video

The Cycle of Self-Sex Temptation: A Map of Self-Pleasure Island…

Moving beyond masturbation, pornography, and sexual fantasy behind requires that you understand that it is a cycle that feeds on itself. The temptation mechanism draws you giddily through the same destructive gauntlet while blinding you to the fact it’s the same darn dog track you’ve bounded around before. When you are in the process of being lured into problem activity, it’s hard to see that disappointment and regret are just around the bend. Below is a diagram of the temptation and regret cycle, a map, if you will, of what I call Self-Pleasure Island. (Don’t miss the map key below the map.)

Crazy Answers to “How Can I Quit Masturbating?”

Do you ever feel like people just don’t understand? If you’ve ever checked those websites where people ask questions and then total doorknobs chime in with useless, if not destructive answers, then this list won’t surprise you. Still, I think that some of the thinking here goes far beyond people who like to offer their solutions to these Q&A websites. It helps me understand just how isolated people with masturbation compulsions might feel. It’s very isolating when you know that this is what people think of problems with masturbation.

So, here we go. In answer to “How Can I Quit Masturbating?” we have:

1. “i used to have the same problem, now i have a g/f and we have sex a lot and i havent masturbated for months!!”
2. “find a girl !!!”
3. “Why on Earth would you want to quit?! If you have a compulsive problem where you have to go at it more than twice a day, then you need to see a shrink or get involved in more activities or something. But if you go at it once a day or several times a week, that is the best thing you can do for your sexual health and mental health. If you are expecting to go into the military or some other such constrained circumstance where masturbation can be terribly inconvenient, then don’t be foolish. Enjoy yourself while you can, and when the dry time begins, tough it out.”
4. “Put icy hot on your dick and or hand”
5. “ALL YOU HAVE TO DO IS FALL IN TRUE LOVE WITH S OMEONE THAT ‘S IT”
6. “Once we masturbate the experience goes to our unconscious mind and from the unconscious mind we get urge or desire for masturbation.”
7. “Do not forget that masturbation can be good for you because it can remove undesired substances through ejaculation.”
8. “You’ll grow out of it”
9. “You can’t. Many men have to masturbate otherwise they get what they call “blue balls” It’s healthier if you do.”
10. “I fought masturbation and pornography addiction and lost for two years. Mental tricks are limited…diet and exercise only helps to a point.Here is the solution that worked perfectly for me:Cut a piece out of a plastic soda bottle or use some other semi – hard or hard plastic that can cover the shaft of your penis, then cut a small slit in it with a knife. Put a small sharp piece of plastic into the slit and tape or glue it. Then roll it around your penis and tape it.” (From howtostopmasturbating.wetpaint.com)
11. “it’s important that you think carefully about whether your problem is actually about masturbation, or instead about feeling ashamed.” (From mentalhelp.com)
12. “Duct tape sandpaper to your hands.”
13. “cut your dick off”
14. “it’s better to put your seed in the belly of a whore than in the ground. or something like that.so, it’s a lesser sin for u to go hire a “lady of the evening”. lol”
15. “It is our right by birth. B’coz sexual arousal is natural thing and every flood has to get any way to flow.”

Okay, some of these are not the least bit serious. A few aren’t totally crazy. Nonetheless, it highlights the fact that a problem with masturbation will not receive total sympathy and support from all the world. Well, that’s why I’m writing blog articles. I want to tell you what others can’t, won’t, or wouldn’t even care to. I mean for it to help, too.

What’s So Bad About Looking at Pornography?

If you regularly look at photos and videos of nude people in sexy poses or engaged in sexual acts, who am I to say, “Shame on you!” It’s entertainment, right? You didn’t force those people to do that. They are providers. They are making a buck. You are a consumer. Paid or not, you are a legitimate viewer of the entertainment created for people like yourself.

If you’ve got no problem with it, I may not be able to convince you it is a problem. Personally, I knew it was a problem because I couldn’t get enough of it, or at least I knew I would have to spend a lot of money and time before I was, by some definition, fully satisfied. When I found new materials (“Oh, my gosh, a whole series on wicker furniture under natural lighting. Porn is my destiny!”), I’d gobble it up with all abandon. When I couldn’t stand it anymore and then had to masturbate to relieve the sexual pressure, I’d later find myself 1) worried about how far I’d gone, and 2) unhappy about how much time I’d just wasted, and 3) left with a painful yearning for something I sensed was patently unobtainable.

Don’t Masturbate Now

Here’s my flash card of sanity, a reminder to pull out should I ever think that a brief slip back to the bad habit isn’t such a big deal.