The Crude Life of Masturbation, Pornography and Sexual Fantasy

Dirty thoughts are fun. I bet the nun and the priest do it just out of earshot. What if Dick’s Sporting Goods were really about games involving dicks? Those girls walking into Fridays right now dressed up for Prom Night would be perfect for Girls Gone Wild, and what better place than a Fridays, with customers like me watching? Heck, you gotta relate to the real world this way to give your porn some meaning, don’t you?

Then again, I’m not psycho. Dirty thoughts aren’t, you know, who I am. I don’t want to take my kids to the The Muppets and have to fight off dirty thoughts about the moms and kids around me.

How can anyone really control their thoughts? Actually, that’s what this website is about.

Yet, there you have it. It’s so hard to do both, to be both. There’s an ownership mentality that goes with surfing pictures, “demanding” each new model displayed reveal their ready and willing equipment with nothing protected from my gaze or fantasy. The orgasm at the end of–Dear God, how many hours did I just waste–rewards an overwhelming sensation of conquering bought babes and servant studs. That mindset cannot simply be turned off. I continue to swim in the gutter even when I’ve been relieved, even when I’m not feeling the least bit sexy.

So, the world becomes a puzzle of potential double entendres, profanities, obscenities, and porn stars that I am charged with discovering and fleshing out.

What Tying the Knot Taught Me About Pornography, Masturbation, & Sexual Fantasy

My wedding night was a bust. The big moment of my life, the one I’d waited for for more than a decade longer than my average high school classmate ended with a manually achieved orgasm. As thrilled as I was to be having sexual intercourse for the first time, something in my body didn’t follow “Ready” and “Aim” with “Fire.” My bride had already reached the top twice and was as impatient as I was.

I couldn’t get out of the comfort zone of my fantasies, my pictures, and my familiar hand.

My new wife had already allowed me to look at certain pictures in books and on the internet. We’d talked about my sexual fantasies and explored many of my curiosities. She had almost acted indifferent to whether I masturbated or when I masturbated. So…my strategy for trying to get the lovemaking right was to either precede sex or interrupt it to go get stimulation from sexy pictures. Odd, isn’t it? I wanted sex so bad in the thousands of times I’d jerked off and when I had a willing partner I couldn’t get out of the comfort zone of my fantasies, my pictures, and my familiar hand.

It’s Okay! This Porn is Newsworthy! (Say What?)

In case you were unaware, sexual activity has occurred between people of inappropriate ages, at inappropriate times, in inappropriate places, in inappropriate situations, in front of inappropriate people, and for inappropriate reasons SINCE THE DAWN OF TIME. Unfortunately, a particularly unsavory incident happened recently at a school somewhere and the video has found wide distribution on platforms that are not supposed to allow such things. I don’t know how this has happened and I’m not going to investigate.

Are you tempted to search? Does it seem okay to view bona fide child pornography because far too many people have seen it on public information streams for anyone to get in trouble (for what is daily prosecuted as a serious crime)? PLEASE RESIST THE TEMPTATION.

The bottom line is that you have to decide what is right and wrong universally and what part of “not wrong” is still a bad idea for you. You cannot count on other people’s or a company’s decision about what is legally or morally okay. They don’t dictate your morality and they can be careless. I would like to think that if someone posts illegal media of activity with a child on [INSERT SITE NAME HERE] that it will be caught and the appropriate punishment will befall the guilty provider of that media. But let’s be honest. There is more and more problematic material being transmitted, often by the subjects of the media. AND while we’re being honest, have you ever went searching and found more than you expected? Or is that just what you told yourself? Whether the surprise search results raises legal questions or exacerbates your sexual obsession, it’s a problem. I suppose if you were trying to get an image of wood cutting river animals for your child’s science project and got a screenfull of bare human crotches, I’d absolve you of any guilt, but I imagine you’ve allowed yourself a search for something a little bit titillating and were surprised by something pornographic. If, to any degree, what you found was a logical result of your search, you’ve got a conscience to come to terms with.

Please be careful. Trust me. No one’s going to give you a sex holiday and say, “Just for today all prohibitions are canceled. To that, I say, “Always and forever consequences will hold firm.” Don’t look. You are only missing out on self-disgust and anguish.

But Isn’t Masturbation Normal and Natural?

My advice for quitting the habit of solo masturbation was recently challenged with the claim that masturbation is normal and natural and beneficial to sexual well-being.

I agree with this assessment of masturbation. It is normal and natural. I don’t think it’s any accident of design that a human’s hand is perfectly positioned to massage his or her own sex organ. I think our sexual well-being requires some level of awareness of our sexual functioning. In fact, I believe it’s only logical that all people, both male and female, discover self-pleasure as children. But I don’t think masturbation works well as a lifelong habit. I think we are best served by growing out of the practice.

There’s a level of higher functioning not far above you. All you need to do is look up and start climbing.

Can a Boy Ever Know Enough About Sex?

I was in sixth grade when they separated us boys and girls to show us sex education films, one for each gender. My classmates already knew me to turn red and turn away from naughty talk and off-color jokes, so when a few of them taunted me with “Did you learn anything?” after the film was shown, it was not out of sincere interest in my education. I remembered enough details about the movie to find it in recent years. It is Boy to Man (Part 1, Part 2). In retrospect, it was so dry and clinical, it probably shouldn’t have embarrassed me as much as it did. With an internal drawing of the erect penis—the external part of the shaft located almost all off-screen—the newscaster voice says, “During masturbation, a boy may handle his penis to cause an ejaculation.” Masturbation? Handle? Ejaculation? It was all lost on me. The trauma of the subject matter simply overwhelmed me and I avoided absorbing the intended medical information. Frankly, it wasn’t until that summer, in the camp shower, that the sight of my friend’s naked body woke me up to the fact that my dad’s type of “penis hair” could arrive at age 12!  Mine came in the months that followed. With it came my curiosity. No, I didn’t want to participate in a classroom viewing of Boy to Man II: Juicer Stuff, but I had my eyes open for as much sex information as I could lay my hands on.

The Secret of Masturbation Video

If You Respect Marriage, Pornography Fails

Continuing the theme of my previous post, A Clearer View of Sexual Intercourse, I want to lament the decline of the traditional family. Modern society has become so intent on not marginalizing alternative family groups that it’s now marginalized the old-fashioned mom-dad-and-their-offspring-under-one-roof idea.

I have a lot of sympathy for homosexuals and I don’t have any illusions that gays and lesbians can be forced to change or should be suppressed or shunned in some way. However, I do believe that the marital union and sexual union of husband and wife is a divine design and should stand separate and unique. To me, the use of the word marriage for same-gender couple is a misnomer, plain and simple. It makes no more sense to me than for a court to declare that adoptive parents are now to be referred to as the biological parents. Or suppose two men are great friends. How about they have a judge declare that they are identical twins? Adoption and friendship are wonderful, amazing things, but from a definition standpoint they are not absolutely not the same as biological parenthood and brotherhood. What’s the point of us lying to ourselves?

Don’t Be Naked on Facebook

Please don’t be offended, but you can’t friend me on Facebook. If you see any profile for a Monroe, I guarantee it’s not me. I admire people who give advice like mine and fully identify themselves, but that’s not me. Only a small segment of people connected to me offline know that I share my experience with masturbation and pornography and sexual fantasy online. Honestly, I would be happy to share it with more people, but this is a need-to-know category and if you don’t need to know, you don’t want to know. That’s a healthy boundary.

A Clearer View of Sexual Intercourse

I doubt that anyone ever learned the facts of life, A-to-Z , in one afternoon-length lecture. I know my own journey of…prepare yourself… “sexual discovery” was piecemeal, ad hoc, and sort of lengthy. And it was definitely non-linear. I have a vague memory of a schoolyard playmate insinuating that sex involved a naked “boy”, a naked “girl”, and the boy’s penis doing something with an opening belonging to the girl. All I’m sure of is that at some point I understood that a married man had to aim his urine stream into his wife’s open mouth in order to produce kids. That’s why I’m now a monk, cloistered away from all females. No, but actually, I imagine that the truth wasn’t received much better. I mean, at age 10, I had the world figured out and it all made sense. And one thing I was sure of was that people potty in private and cover that part up the rest of the time. To suggest that men and women would fit their naughty potty parts together seemed so very wrong, an offense against nature. It wasn’t what people were designed for. Little did I know.

Wake Up, You Thumbsucking Masturbator!

As exciting as pornography and sexual fantasy are, they were, in large part, a security blanket for me, a most comfortable and familiar collection of thoughts and activities. In fact, there were times when masturbation didn’t seem like it was moving toward a climax. It was like I was asking thumbsucking to be interpreted by my body as a sexual conquest, with the attendant thrill. As I detail elsewhere on this website, the trap of sexual obsession and compulsion requires self-deception. Sometimes that’s bold denial of the truth, for example, obsessing and salivating over the idea that a threesome in your bedroom would yield excitement, satisfaction, and fulfillment beyond imagination (well maybe for a moment, but damage will cancel any benefit). Many times, though, I think that my attachment to sexual thoughts and fantasies is more of a sleepy acceptance of the fairy tales. So, assuming you relate to that notion in any way…WAKE UP!

I am thrilled to tell you that it’s totally awesome to be on the other side of sexual obsession.