Positive Always Beats Negative

You’re disgusting! Quit it! There, does that help? No, probably not.

The particularly difficult thing about getting out of the rut of obsessive fantasy thoughts and compulsive sexual activity (like masturbation) is that feeling bad about it tends to fuel the whole thing. Masturbation, as pleasurable as it is, is a misuse of the body—or at least a less than optimum use. When you feel like crap, you accept that you should be treated like crap. I imagine that a lot of prostitution customers, men who crave the thrill of a professional orgasm, don’t see themselves as girlfriend-worthy at the moment.

So negativity helps speed up the cycle of temptation. But if unwanted thoughts and desires are what lead you into obsessive thoughts and compulsive behaviors, how do you stop them without just yelling “No!” to your inner self all the time. Well, here’s a thought. Make all those condemnations positive. Instead of “Man, that’s a hot chick. Stop it, you jerk! Don’t think about her body!” think, “Man, that’s a hot chick. Yes, but it’s a real person who owns that body and may God bless how she chooses to use it. I choose right now to protect her privacy and respect her in my head.” See what I did there? I focused on things that are true or should be, not on what shouldn’t be. It’s just like a dieter choosing to be passionate about fresh, healthy vegetable dishes and enjoying improved scale readings instead of focusing on the pain of exercising longer or the deprivation of jumbo desserts.

Look, our brains didn’t get wired overnight. A lot of it is driven by tendencies that are permanent. I strongly believe, though, that through practice and positive reinforcement, we can coax our thought patterns to tend toward healthy thoughts and blow off destructive ones. And, let’s face it, obsessive sexual thoughts and fantasies are destructive. To give yourself completely to that cycle of temptation is to gleefully dive into a tailspin.

Be healthy. Think about what you think. If there’s problems there, think about adding thoughts, not subtracting them. If your timing is well chosen, the good thoughts will beat the bad. Brains work that way.

The Secret of Masturbation Video

Wake Up, You Thumbsucking Masturbator!

As exciting as pornography and sexual fantasy are, they were, in large part, a security blanket for me, a most comfortable and familiar collection of thoughts and activities. In fact, there were times when masturbation didn’t seem like it was moving toward a climax. It was like I was asking thumbsucking to be interpreted by my body as a sexual conquest, with the attendant thrill. As I detail elsewhere on this website, the trap of sexual obsession and compulsion requires self-deception. Sometimes that’s bold denial of the truth, for example, obsessing and salivating over the idea that a threesome in your bedroom would yield excitement, satisfaction, and fulfillment beyond imagination (well maybe for a moment, but damage will cancel any benefit). Many times, though, I think that my attachment to sexual thoughts and fantasies is more of a sleepy acceptance of the fairy tales. So, assuming you relate to that notion in any way…WAKE UP!

I am thrilled to tell you that it’s totally awesome to be on the other side of sexual obsession.

The Worship of a Penis

Ideal sex: the worship of my penis. I know that sounds crude and outrageous, but let me explain.

A recent post on another blog complained about how penises do not get not the respect, admiration, and attention that they deserve. I chose to respond to the blog post. I did so for two reasons. One is because that blog promotes the idea that viewing pornography is in line with Biblical principles (i.e., it’s not a sin). I’d like to either set the blog author straight or sharpen my debate skills in the attempt. The other reason I wanted to respond was because it seemed so familiar. I realized that my desires in my sex life and the yardstick by which I measured success largely boiled down to worship of my erect penis.

Beat Porn by Killing its Value

If spend a lot of time looking at pornography, or looking for it, or thinking about it, or masturbating with thoughts of it, it means you value you it. The idea of having visual access to other people’s most sacred and intimate (and probably wrong) use of their physical bodies has been deemed by you to be worthy your thought, time, energy, and possibly your money. If you are aware of all that’s going on with viewing pornography and masturbating to it and sexual fantasy, you know you are giving far more than time and money to it. You may be risking your relationships and your self-esteem. In certain cases, you could be risking your job or your freedom. Okay, let’s not go there just now. The assumption here is that you wish you didn’t crave pornography and masturbation as much as you do right now. The given is that these activities, though bothersome, have value.

Don’t Masturbate Now

Here’s my flash card of sanity, a reminder to pull out should I ever think that a brief slip back to the bad habit isn’t such a big deal.