Positive Always Beats Negative

You’re disgusting! Quit it! There, does that help? No, probably not.

The particularly difficult thing about getting out of the rut of obsessive fantasy thoughts and compulsive sexual activity (like masturbation) is that feeling bad about it tends to fuel the whole thing. Masturbation, as pleasurable as it is, is a misuse of the body—or at least a less than optimum use. When you feel like crap, you accept that you should be treated like crap. I imagine that a lot of prostitution customers, men who crave the thrill of a professional orgasm, don’t see themselves as girlfriend-worthy at the moment.

So negativity helps speed up the cycle of temptation. But if unwanted thoughts and desires are what lead you into obsessive thoughts and compulsive behaviors, how do you stop them without just yelling “No!” to your inner self all the time. Well, here’s a thought. Make all those condemnations positive. Instead of “Man, that’s a hot chick. Stop it, you jerk! Don’t think about her body!” think, “Man, that’s a hot chick. Yes, but it’s a real person who owns that body and may God bless how she chooses to use it. I choose right now to protect her privacy and respect her in my head.” See what I did there? I focused on things that are true or should be, not on what shouldn’t be. It’s just like a dieter choosing to be passionate about fresh, healthy vegetable dishes and enjoying improved scale readings instead of focusing on the pain of exercising longer or the deprivation of jumbo desserts.

Look, our brains didn’t get wired overnight. A lot of it is driven by tendencies that are permanent. I strongly believe, though, that through practice and positive reinforcement, we can coax our thought patterns to tend toward healthy thoughts and blow off destructive ones. And, let’s face it, obsessive sexual thoughts and fantasies are destructive. To give yourself completely to that cycle of temptation is to gleefully dive into a tailspin.

Be healthy. Think about what you think. If there’s problems there, think about adding thoughts, not subtracting them. If your timing is well chosen, the good thoughts will beat the bad. Brains work that way.

A Different Kind of How-To-Quit Video

My scattershot survey of how-to-quit-masturbating videos on the internet has identified these common characteristics: confusing psychology, pretzel-like philosophy, goofy advice, scare tactics, and, oh, um…let’s see, absolute boredom.

Here’s my curve ball. I hope you find it entertaining and engaging.

The Crude Life of Masturbation, Pornography and Sexual Fantasy

Dirty thoughts are fun. I bet the nun and the priest do it just out of earshot. What if Dick’s Sporting Goods were really about games involving dicks? Those girls walking into Fridays right now dressed up for Prom Night would be perfect for Girls Gone Wild, and what better place than a Fridays, with customers like me watching? Heck, you gotta relate to the real world this way to give your porn some meaning, don’t you?

Then again, I’m not psycho. Dirty thoughts aren’t, you know, who I am. I don’t want to take my kids to the The Muppets and have to fight off dirty thoughts about the moms and kids around me.

How can anyone really control their thoughts? Actually, that’s what this website is about.

Yet, there you have it. It’s so hard to do both, to be both. There’s an ownership mentality that goes with surfing pictures, “demanding” each new model displayed reveal their ready and willing equipment with nothing protected from my gaze or fantasy. The orgasm at the end of–Dear God, how many hours did I just waste–rewards an overwhelming sensation of conquering bought babes and servant studs. That mindset cannot simply be turned off. I continue to swim in the gutter even when I’ve been relieved, even when I’m not feeling the least bit sexy.

So, the world becomes a puzzle of potential double entendres, profanities, obscenities, and porn stars that I am charged with discovering and fleshing out.

Quit Masturbating: The 100 Word Solution

Masturbation is always a CHOICE. Desire the reward of FREEDOM badly enough to accept some momentary FRUSTRATION. Recognize that the ORGASM caused by masturbation is small REWARD compared to the feelings of POWER and CONTROL that come from viewing pornography and imagining sexual situations with VULNERABLE people. Write down what you really BELIEVE about how people’s HUMANITY, innocence, independence, and privacy should be respected. Acknowledge the difference between your SEX THOUGHTS and your CORE BELIEFS. Daily RECITE out loud your core beliefs. When sex thoughts arise, take DEEP BREATHS and confront them with the truth. RECORD and REWARD your PROGRESS.

What Tying the Knot Taught Me About Pornography, Masturbation, & Sexual Fantasy

My wedding night was a bust. The big moment of my life, the one I’d waited for for more than a decade longer than my average high school classmate ended with a manually achieved orgasm. As thrilled as I was to be having sexual intercourse for the first time, something in my body didn’t follow “Ready” and “Aim” with “Fire.” My bride had already reached the top twice and was as impatient as I was.

I couldn’t get out of the comfort zone of my fantasies, my pictures, and my familiar hand.

My new wife had already allowed me to look at certain pictures in books and on the internet. We’d talked about my sexual fantasies and explored many of my curiosities. She had almost acted indifferent to whether I masturbated or when I masturbated. So…my strategy for trying to get the lovemaking right was to either precede sex or interrupt it to go get stimulation from sexy pictures. Odd, isn’t it? I wanted sex so bad in the thousands of times I’d jerked off and when I had a willing partner I couldn’t get out of the comfort zone of my fantasies, my pictures, and my familiar hand.

Do Sex Toys Play With Your Head?

BE ADVISED. THE FOLLOWING ARTICLE IS ONE OF MY MOST GRAPHIC. IF IT STARTS TO SOUND LIKE A FANTASY TO MASTURBATE TO, CLICK HERE.

Check out our great new Adult Toy Store! Try a new adventure! Put some spice into your relationship! We’ve got costumes to (barely) cover up your honey’s naughty parts. We’ve got whips, gags, restraints, and complete outfits to fully restrain and pretend to torture the one you love. We’ve stocked silicon phallic shapes of all sizes and colors for for effective and convenient penetration and stimulation all around. And all product packaging bears the image of an average, ordinary user turned into a being of sexual perfection through the use of the product inside. Don’t you dare try to play pretend in the bedroom without having a look here.

Oh, and while you’re in the store, we’ve got fantastically tasteless greeting cards and vulgar gag gifts. Hey, nothing expresses greatest wishes for a bride’s forthcoming marriage like a greeting card sporting a naked sailor of offensive proportions making a naughty offer.

I may be wrong, but I don’t think sex between a healthy, loving husband and and a healthy, loving wife can be improved upon with accessories.

Okay, enough of the silliness. Here is the story of how my opinion of adult toy stores and sex toys went from titillation to disgust. It wasn’t long after my wife and I got together that we first checked out an adult toy store. I had been wary of such a thing previously, thinking it was too immoral for the facade I maintained, but with the approval of my beloved, I felt free to indulge. And the lure was huge.

Boys, Don’t Twist an Arm to Get a Boner

When you realize what sexual arousal and the erection (boner) that goes with it are for—to make it so a guy’s penis can push its way into a woman’s vagina—it’s easy to assume that every erection will have a predictable starting point. In other words, if you are feeling tight in the crotch, you think you should be able to go, “Oh, yeah, caught some cleavage on that Melissa,” or “What would I expect? Jasmine just brushed up against me.” So, it seems like you should be able to justify erections and ask the question, “What logical reason would there be for my penis to think that I wanted to have sex with a girl right this minute?”

“It’s a common fear: You have an erection and it’s clearly caused by something that should not be stimulating to you.”

Well, of course, things aren’t that simple. You know that. You’ve no doubt awakened with a boner (“morning wood”) and your only real desire at that moment is to urinate. You might try to focus your foggy mind on the night behind you and try to remember a sex dream of some sort, but you won’t necessarily identify a fantasy lover who got you hot and bothered in your sleep. Generally, morning wood is the hardest boner you have (takes forever to go down) and seems the least justified (thoughts that usually seem sexy are pretty lame right then).

It’s a common fear: You have an erection and it’s clearly caused by something that should not be stimulating to you. Assuming you picture yourself an attractive heterosexual guy who will snag a beautiful bride in the coming years, it’s scary to think that something you consider perverted aroused you, particularly another guy or a younger child.

Sex Addiction Recovery Sabotage

The war against your obsession with pornography and sexual fantasies and your compulsion to masturbate is a war between logical thinking and feelings. If you have a sex problem it means that your emotions were already the victor at some point. There’s no shortage of stories of people doing foolish things for lust.

Feelings are fickle things. If you’ve determined to move beyond masturbation, pornography, and sexual fantasy, you’ve probably experienced the powerful high of feeling like your determination has already conquered the beast. You’ve probably also experienced every other possible emotion in the process: fear that you can’t do it, shame for what you’ve done in the past, anger that you have to do without, frustration, sorrow that you wasted a lot of energy, and jealousy of people who seem to be able to indulge without limits or consequences.

Feelings often translate into beliefs and those beliefs based on feelings are simply not reliable. Unfortunately, some of those feelings-based beliefs can make for very formidable roadblocks on the path to recovery. Consider:

“One of the downsides of the internet is that you can find people who support almost any perversion.”

Masturbate to Relieve Tension and Stress?

Even if masturbation is a villainous compulsion who visits you regularly, you probably associate it with relief. In fact, those with a neutral or positive attitude toward masturbation in general promote masturbation as a great way to relieve tension and stress. The trouble is that masturbation also encourages tension and stress.

Candidly, I have to tell you that some of my happiest self-induced orgasms have happened after I abstained for a while. In fact, that was typical for my cycle of temptation. I’d get sick of the habit and the related thoughts and I’d swear off it for a few days or a couple of weeks. Then a curious thought would pop into my head. I’d ponder it and get caught up in it and then I’d craft a fantasy around it. I’d check out safe references to confirm or dissipate my concerns and curiosities. Not satisfied with same-old, same-old, I would tread into more dangerous territory. I’d tell myself I just needed the right information, but urges would increase until I delved into something guaranteed to push my button. Then, to my shock, I’d come across some image or even my own fantasy that I “couldn’t handle.” And suddenly my staunch opposition to jerking off was replaced with serious determination to do just that. Of course, relief would come quickly, and with such a deep and satisfying force. For a moment, I was so incredibly relaxed and satisfied. No earthly problem could block the rays of sunshine bathing my glorious body…but, of course, it didn’t last. I’d be doing it at least twice more in the next few hours. It would be much less powerful, require a lot of concentration, and might even cause a little bit of irritation on my penis, but “one and done” is not phrase compatible with the habit of masturbation. The single, incredibly happy ejaculation was always followed by days of very compulsive “I can’t not do this” jerk-off sessions at the bathroom sink.

But Isn’t Masturbation Normal and Natural?

My advice for quitting the habit of solo masturbation was recently challenged with the claim that masturbation is normal and natural and beneficial to sexual well-being.

I agree with this assessment of masturbation. It is normal and natural. I don’t think it’s any accident of design that a human’s hand is perfectly positioned to massage his or her own sex organ. I think our sexual well-being requires some level of awareness of our sexual functioning. In fact, I believe it’s only logical that all people, both male and female, discover self-pleasure as children. But I don’t think masturbation works well as a lifelong habit. I think we are best served by growing out of the practice.

There’s a level of higher functioning not far above you. All you need to do is look up and start climbing.