Positive Always Beats Negative

You’re disgusting! Quit it! There, does that help? No, probably not.

The particularly difficult thing about getting out of the rut of obsessive fantasy thoughts and compulsive sexual activity (like masturbation) is that feeling bad about it tends to fuel the whole thing. Masturbation, as pleasurable as it is, is a misuse of the body—or at least a less than optimum use. When you feel like crap, you accept that you should be treated like crap. I imagine that a lot of prostitution customers, men who crave the thrill of a professional orgasm, don’t see themselves as girlfriend-worthy at the moment.

So negativity helps speed up the cycle of temptation. But if unwanted thoughts and desires are what lead you into obsessive thoughts and compulsive behaviors, how do you stop them without just yelling “No!” to your inner self all the time. Well, here’s a thought. Make all those condemnations positive. Instead of “Man, that’s a hot chick. Stop it, you jerk! Don’t think about her body!” think, “Man, that’s a hot chick. Yes, but it’s a real person who owns that body and may God bless how she chooses to use it. I choose right now to protect her privacy and respect her in my head.” See what I did there? I focused on things that are true or should be, not on what shouldn’t be. It’s just like a dieter choosing to be passionate about fresh, healthy vegetable dishes and enjoying improved scale readings instead of focusing on the pain of exercising longer or the deprivation of jumbo desserts.

Look, our brains didn’t get wired overnight. A lot of it is driven by tendencies that are permanent. I strongly believe, though, that through practice and positive reinforcement, we can coax our thought patterns to tend toward healthy thoughts and blow off destructive ones. And, let’s face it, obsessive sexual thoughts and fantasies are destructive. To give yourself completely to that cycle of temptation is to gleefully dive into a tailspin.

Be healthy. Think about what you think. If there’s problems there, think about adding thoughts, not subtracting them. If your timing is well chosen, the good thoughts will beat the bad. Brains work that way.

Quit Masturbating: The 100 Word Solution

Masturbation is always a CHOICE. Desire the reward of FREEDOM badly enough to accept some momentary FRUSTRATION. Recognize that the ORGASM caused by masturbation is small REWARD compared to the feelings of POWER and CONTROL that come from viewing pornography and imagining sexual situations with VULNERABLE people. Write down what you really BELIEVE about how people’s HUMANITY, innocence, independence, and privacy should be respected. Acknowledge the difference between your SEX THOUGHTS and your CORE BELIEFS. Daily RECITE out loud your core beliefs. When sex thoughts arise, take DEEP BREATHS and confront them with the truth. RECORD and REWARD your PROGRESS.

It’s Okay! This Porn is Newsworthy! (Say What?)

In case you were unaware, sexual activity has occurred between people of inappropriate ages, at inappropriate times, in inappropriate places, in inappropriate situations, in front of inappropriate people, and for inappropriate reasons SINCE THE DAWN OF TIME. Unfortunately, a particularly unsavory incident happened recently at a school somewhere and the video has found wide distribution on platforms that are not supposed to allow such things. I don’t know how this has happened and I’m not going to investigate.

Are you tempted to search? Does it seem okay to view bona fide child pornography because far too many people have seen it on public information streams for anyone to get in trouble (for what is daily prosecuted as a serious crime)? PLEASE RESIST THE TEMPTATION.

The bottom line is that you have to decide what is right and wrong universally and what part of “not wrong” is still a bad idea for you. You cannot count on other people’s or a company’s decision about what is legally or morally okay. They don’t dictate your morality and they can be careless. I would like to think that if someone posts illegal media of activity with a child on [INSERT SITE NAME HERE] that it will be caught and the appropriate punishment will befall the guilty provider of that media. But let’s be honest. There is more and more problematic material being transmitted, often by the subjects of the media. AND while we’re being honest, have you ever went searching and found more than you expected? Or is that just what you told yourself? Whether the surprise search results raises legal questions or exacerbates your sexual obsession, it’s a problem. I suppose if you were trying to get an image of wood cutting river animals for your child’s science project and got a screenfull of bare human crotches, I’d absolve you of any guilt, but I imagine you’ve allowed yourself a search for something a little bit titillating and were surprised by something pornographic. If, to any degree, what you found was a logical result of your search, you’ve got a conscience to come to terms with.

Please be careful. Trust me. No one’s going to give you a sex holiday and say, “Just for today all prohibitions are canceled. To that, I say, “Always and forever consequences will hold firm.” Don’t look. You are only missing out on self-disgust and anguish.

Masturbate to Relieve Tension and Stress?

Even if masturbation is a villainous compulsion who visits you regularly, you probably associate it with relief. In fact, those with a neutral or positive attitude toward masturbation in general promote masturbation as a great way to relieve tension and stress. The trouble is that masturbation also encourages tension and stress.

Candidly, I have to tell you that some of my happiest self-induced orgasms have happened after I abstained for a while. In fact, that was typical for my cycle of temptation. I’d get sick of the habit and the related thoughts and I’d swear off it for a few days or a couple of weeks. Then a curious thought would pop into my head. I’d ponder it and get caught up in it and then I’d craft a fantasy around it. I’d check out safe references to confirm or dissipate my concerns and curiosities. Not satisfied with same-old, same-old, I would tread into more dangerous territory. I’d tell myself I just needed the right information, but urges would increase until I delved into something guaranteed to push my button. Then, to my shock, I’d come across some image or even my own fantasy that I “couldn’t handle.” And suddenly my staunch opposition to jerking off was replaced with serious determination to do just that. Of course, relief would come quickly, and with such a deep and satisfying force. For a moment, I was so incredibly relaxed and satisfied. No earthly problem could block the rays of sunshine bathing my glorious body…but, of course, it didn’t last. I’d be doing it at least twice more in the next few hours. It would be much less powerful, require a lot of concentration, and might even cause a little bit of irritation on my penis, but “one and done” is not phrase compatible with the habit of masturbation. The single, incredibly happy ejaculation was always followed by days of very compulsive “I can’t not do this” jerk-off sessions at the bathroom sink.

Wake Up, You Thumbsucking Masturbator!

As exciting as pornography and sexual fantasy are, they were, in large part, a security blanket for me, a most comfortable and familiar collection of thoughts and activities. In fact, there were times when masturbation didn’t seem like it was moving toward a climax. It was like I was asking thumbsucking to be interpreted by my body as a sexual conquest, with the attendant thrill. As I detail elsewhere on this website, the trap of sexual obsession and compulsion requires self-deception. Sometimes that’s bold denial of the truth, for example, obsessing and salivating over the idea that a threesome in your bedroom would yield excitement, satisfaction, and fulfillment beyond imagination (well maybe for a moment, but damage will cancel any benefit). Many times, though, I think that my attachment to sexual thoughts and fantasies is more of a sleepy acceptance of the fairy tales. So, assuming you relate to that notion in any way…WAKE UP!

I am thrilled to tell you that it’s totally awesome to be on the other side of sexual obsession.

The Cycle of Self-Sex Temptation: A Map of Self-Pleasure Island…

Moving beyond masturbation, pornography, and sexual fantasy behind requires that you understand that it is a cycle that feeds on itself. The temptation mechanism draws you giddily through the same destructive gauntlet while blinding you to the fact it’s the same darn dog track you’ve bounded around before. When you are in the process of being lured into problem activity, it’s hard to see that disappointment and regret are just around the bend. Below is a diagram of the temptation and regret cycle, a map, if you will, of what I call Self-Pleasure Island. (Don’t miss the map key below the map.)

Undressing Nudity, Part Four of Four

This is the fourth and final part of an essay on nudity. I’m trying to de-mystify it, un-power it, and un-couple it from associations that aren’t healthy.

I’ve always been fascinated by nudist camps, closed-access communities where people give each other complete visual access to their bodies. The idea of privates is meaningless. Back when, as a kid, I feared going to the doctor largely because he might have to see under my clothes, the idea of a nudist camp blew my mind. Even as an adult, when the idea of being a visitor kind of excites me, I imagine that I’d spend the whole time comparing forbidden body parts, hoping that a cross-section of society would be present and I could learn all sorts of things about body types and puberty and aging and so on and so forth. Well, I recently read a serious study about behavior and attitudes of nudists. Basically it was asking if all that exposure to nudity created a sexually-charged environment. Well, the conclusion was that a nudist camp and an orgy are nearly opposite environments. It made the nudist camp sound like prudes at a church supper. They didn’t discuss the human body or sex and they primarily did not look below the neck. They had virtual boundaries for themselves.

Hot New Pornography! Tell Me More! Then Again, Don’t

I was watching some TV show last night about the pursuit of criminal suspects, probably Most Wildly Insane Police Chases III, or similar. This is the one with the narration by a man I believe to be a former police officer. The show began with some verbiage about how the videos would be violent and shocking, but they show them to us for one reason: BECAUSE KNOWLEDGE IS POWER. I hope you had nothing in your mouth when you read that.

Crazy Answers to “How Can I Quit Masturbating?”

Do you ever feel like people just don’t understand? If you’ve ever checked those websites where people ask questions and then total doorknobs chime in with useless, if not destructive answers, then this list won’t surprise you. Still, I think that some of the thinking here goes far beyond people who like to offer their solutions to these Q&A websites. It helps me understand just how isolated people with masturbation compulsions might feel. It’s very isolating when you know that this is what people think of problems with masturbation.

So, here we go. In answer to “How Can I Quit Masturbating?” we have:

1. “i used to have the same problem, now i have a g/f and we have sex a lot and i havent masturbated for months!!”
2. “find a girl !!!”
3. “Why on Earth would you want to quit?! If you have a compulsive problem where you have to go at it more than twice a day, then you need to see a shrink or get involved in more activities or something. But if you go at it once a day or several times a week, that is the best thing you can do for your sexual health and mental health. If you are expecting to go into the military or some other such constrained circumstance where masturbation can be terribly inconvenient, then don’t be foolish. Enjoy yourself while you can, and when the dry time begins, tough it out.”
4. “Put icy hot on your dick and or hand”
5. “ALL YOU HAVE TO DO IS FALL IN TRUE LOVE WITH S OMEONE THAT ‘S IT”
6. “Once we masturbate the experience goes to our unconscious mind and from the unconscious mind we get urge or desire for masturbation.”
7. “Do not forget that masturbation can be good for you because it can remove undesired substances through ejaculation.”
8. “You’ll grow out of it”
9. “You can’t. Many men have to masturbate otherwise they get what they call “blue balls” It’s healthier if you do.”
10. “I fought masturbation and pornography addiction and lost for two years. Mental tricks are limited…diet and exercise only helps to a point.Here is the solution that worked perfectly for me:Cut a piece out of a plastic soda bottle or use some other semi – hard or hard plastic that can cover the shaft of your penis, then cut a small slit in it with a knife. Put a small sharp piece of plastic into the slit and tape or glue it. Then roll it around your penis and tape it.” (From howtostopmasturbating.wetpaint.com)
11. “it’s important that you think carefully about whether your problem is actually about masturbation, or instead about feeling ashamed.” (From mentalhelp.com)
12. “Duct tape sandpaper to your hands.”
13. “cut your dick off”
14. “it’s better to put your seed in the belly of a whore than in the ground. or something like that.so, it’s a lesser sin for u to go hire a “lady of the evening”. lol”
15. “It is our right by birth. B’coz sexual arousal is natural thing and every flood has to get any way to flow.”

Okay, some of these are not the least bit serious. A few aren’t totally crazy. Nonetheless, it highlights the fact that a problem with masturbation will not receive total sympathy and support from all the world. Well, that’s why I’m writing blog articles. I want to tell you what others can’t, won’t, or wouldn’t even care to. I mean for it to help, too.

Circuit Breakers for Unwanted Sexual Thoughts

Thinking about sex is definitely not bad. The problem for me has been that I have had a lot of sexual thoughts that weren’t by choice. They came to me by habit.

I call them circuit breakers. That’s because I think of these habitual thoughts as bad brain circuits (mind you, it’s not my brain that’s defective, it’s the habits that have been programmed into it).

Consider this scenario: I see a person who fits a character type in my library of sexual fantasies and I essentially own that person while I imagine them in my fantasy scenario. Can we agree that that’s not always a thought you want to have?

Consider another scenario: You’re flipping through channels and see a movie advertised. It’s a sex comedy and just that fact makes you ponder things about sex comedies and how far one on a particular network might go.