Do Sex Toys Play With Your Head?

BE ADVISED. THE FOLLOWING ARTICLE IS ONE OF MY MOST GRAPHIC. IF IT STARTS TO SOUND LIKE A FANTASY TO MASTURBATE TO, CLICK HERE.

Check out our great new Adult Toy Store! Try a new adventure! Put some spice into your relationship! We’ve got costumes to (barely) cover up your honey’s naughty parts. We’ve got whips, gags, restraints, and complete outfits to fully restrain and pretend to torture the one you love. We’ve stocked silicon phallic shapes of all sizes and colors for for effective and convenient penetration and stimulation all around. And all product packaging bears the image of an average, ordinary user turned into a being of sexual perfection through the use of the product inside. Don’t you dare try to play pretend in the bedroom without having a look here.

Oh, and while you’re in the store, we’ve got fantastically tasteless greeting cards and vulgar gag gifts. Hey, nothing expresses greatest wishes for a bride’s forthcoming marriage like a greeting card sporting a naked sailor of offensive proportions making a naughty offer.

I may be wrong, but I don’t think sex between a healthy, loving husband and and a healthy, loving wife can be improved upon with accessories.

Okay, enough of the silliness. Here is the story of how my opinion of adult toy stores and sex toys went from titillation to disgust. It wasn’t long after my wife and I got together that we first checked out an adult toy store. I had been wary of such a thing previously, thinking it was too immoral for the facade I maintained, but with the approval of my beloved, I felt free to indulge. And the lure was huge.

Why Do Doctors Knock? (And Maybe You Should Observe Boundaries, Too)

Have you had a routine physical exam lately? I need one. They aren’t comfortable, to be sure. You know you aren’t just going to point to your neck, describe some pain, and walk out with a prescription. This is an all-in deal. I’m thinking about my last one. The crazy thing to me, though, was how they gave me privacy to exchange my clothing for a modesty gown. When the doctor knocked, it frankly seemed like a tease. What? He wants to make sure I’ve tucked and accounted to make sure no unnecessary flesh is showing? God forbid he discover what color my boxer shorts are. Oh, wait! He’s about to pull said boxer shorts down to my knees, look my penis over, handle my testicles, and then turn me around and feel inside my anus with his finger. And we both know it. So, why bother with the “Are you decent?” knock? Why bother with the privacy of someone who’s already surrendered it?  The answer is…boundaries, voluntarily-placed walls on what we do, look at, and think about at every moment in time.

Hold that thought a moment. Now consider: there was an episode of “The King of Queens” in which Doug is strong-armed into telling his wife, Carrie, the nature of his sexual fantasies. In an effort to divert attention from the fact that he imagines himself in liaisons with women other than her, he proudly reveals that these daydreams all assume that he’s a grieving widower. The funny thing, I guess, is that her hang-up then becomes that he routinely imagines her deceased. She then proceeds to fill a stack of note cards with her romance novel ideas of suitable topics for his fantasizing. As the show went into a dream sequence that started as Carrie’s suggested fantasy, but—since it was in Doug’s head—then imagined her demise in a car accident heard just off-screen, I found myself wondering how many men watching were squirming at the notion of their wife having the slightest idea what runs through their head in connection with sexual arousal, stimulation, and orgasm. If only our thoughts always met standards of TV network censors (as low as they’ve become).

Christian Pornography? Church Strip Clubs? Righteous Boner!

There is a small, passionate movement afoot to justify ogling nude dancers and drooling over lewd images of sexual intercourse. This movement suggests that the Bible does not forbid looking at nudity and it’s only lust if you acknowledge to yourself a literal desire to engage in sexual intercourse with someone other than your spouse. Oh, and some would say that ideal Christian pornography would show kind, caring lovemaking between real husband and wife. I’m not yet clear on what makes for a Christian strip club, but there is a notion that if the customers were all Christians, it wouldn’t be a den of sin. After all, if it’s just looking and your interest is in the “appreciation and admiration” of God’s handiwork, it must be Godly.